This Entry is About How to Be Cool

Hey Kid,

It's something to realize that you no longer care about being "cool." Priorities change. I buy meat thermometers now, not leg warmers. I get EXCITED about it, too. As in, "Let me show you my new meat thermometer!"

And so doesn't it just figure that now, FINALLY, people think I'm cool? How did this happen? There's no good reason why anyone should think I'm cooler than anyone else (especially, I imagine, you). I BLOG for one thing. Plus, everyone knows cool is about confidence, but I've never been confident about being cool because, due to being home schooled, for years I couldn't even say what "cool" was. I think what I have, instead, is confidence in everyone else's sense of un-coolness. I know that everyone feels socially inept and that even the nicest people come off as assholes sometimes. And I understand that almost everyone is secretly wondering if they're DOING OKAY.

If you understand that almost everyone secretly worries that they're the lamest person at the party, you can use the situation to your advantage by:

A) Demonstrating that lame is irrelevant to you. Exhibiting enviable qualities makes you cool by default, and everyone wishes lame were irrelevant to them. This is the more practical way of saying what everyone says: Be yourself. Good ways to demonstrate this include anything which makes it obvious that you're not taking yourself seriously, i.e. dancing around for the fun of it, un-self-consciously wearing something silly, making jokes, and seeking people out to talk--about themselves. (Not focusing on yourself is a good way to avoid thinking about how lame you are.) In other words, do whatever it is you really want to do, and enjoy it. Then:

B) From your self-verified position as Not-Lame, you pull other people into your reality. Helping other people stop feeling lame is cool. For me, this has required actively learning about things other people can relate to. As much as everyone claims to hate ABBA, everyone in my generation can relate to it, and by relating with someone I can pull them into my reality. Learning the words to all the major dance hits of the last twenty years can improve your social standing DRASTICALLY.

Improving socially has been a major preoccupation of my life. Coming to social interaction as late as I did means that I've been a lot more conscious about the process of shaping my social self. Last night one of my friends said, "Haven't you EVER been shy?" I explained that, as a product of home schooling, I missed eight years of primary social programming. As much as I might WISH to be inhibited, I simply don't know how it's done. I AM shy, I just lack the means to express it.

The reason she said that is because it is an under-reported fact that I am the person you invite if you want to make sure there is dancing at your party. I attribute my success to home schooling and an absolute lack of shame about appreciating ABBA. As a home schooler I spent my entire childhood with no friends, no MTV, and endless time alone in my room perfecting homegrown dance moves to Amy Grant. When people say they wish they could dance like me, I understand it is because they don't realize that THE GOOD DANCERS ARE MAKING IT UP. And coolness, too, is about knowing that EVERYONE is making it up.

Obviously, that's not to say you can't be uncool, or a bad dancer. Sometimes when I watch people dance, I realize that it's probably never occurred to them that the point of dancing is to FEEL GOOD. It turns out it doesn't matter how good-looking you are, if you look like you feel good in your body, you will be attractive. Likewise, if you feel good in your soul, you will be cool.

Knowing these things, I believe, is what occasionally brings on a tidal wave of strangers insisting that I'm "cool" and that they wish they were like me. Believe me, this is as embarrassing for me to relate as it is for you to read. Very little in life can make me feel more insipid than thanking someone for thinking I'm cool... but sometimes, (like last night), that's the only thing left to say.

At any rate, if that's any kind of proof of coolness, then maybe my "secrets" of coolness will be of use to you. It took me until after I stopped caring to figure out how to win that war. But you, kid, probably have some more years in the trenches.

I love you (and, having said all this to you, feel totally uncool),


C.